- Category: Health + Wellness
- Created on 04 December 2018
- Written by Beverly Hill (Shelley)
- Hits: 1450
It’s that time of year again when we honor LOVE by giving niceties to a LOVE interest or a mate. When I was a little girl, I remember mom buying me a little package that held about 25 Valentine cards. I would go to school with my cards in hand. I had already written my classmate’s names on them making sure that the right individuals got the ones with the words “Be My Valentine” and “I Love You.”
We’re taught to give and to show LOVE at an early age, but rarely were we taught that we must receive LOVE too. Most importantly, we were not taught how to LOVE ourselves. This is a HEART message of SELF LOVE.
Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to see the destruction we are causing ourselves. We spend so much time looking for LOVE or waiting for someone to come and LOVE us. There may even be a point where we settle for someone just because we simply don’t want to be alone. For years I did not LOVE myself…but I wasn’t aware of it. I didn't realize that most of the men I was allowing into my life were causing self-sabotage! We tend to draw to ourselves everything that we are; I had no idea that I was a broken wounded person. By nature I’m extremely loving and nurturing, but because of codependency and being LOVE starved myself, I was opening myself up to needy men. Most of those men had no clue how to LOVE me, because as I look back, they didn't know how to LOVE themselves. If you think about it, we are mirrors of one another. I was attracting a reflection of myself, the weaker and less favorable parts of me. In my journey of healing, I did experience progress. But I noticed the greatest and fastest change when I visited a hypnotherapist about three years ago. In my two visits, I got to the core of those issues that had been limiting me from loving myself. The issues dealt with were rejection and abandonment!! Both are now ghosts of my past. I'm a natural giver, but I needed validation. I needed to know that I was doing well, because I didn’t grow up knowing I was good, or good enough. Very few people know this, but I felt rejected many times growing up which caused me to constantly receive what I thought was LOVE from the wrong men. I learned that looking for external validation was of no avail. Everything I needed was already inside ME!! A doctor once said that givers have to learn to be selfish and learn to take care of self. And that is exactly what I started doing.
For years and years, I found myself in abusive relationships and abusive marriage after marriage. Some of the marriages consisted of verbal abuse, some mental and some physical. I must say that my last husband of 20 years was an exception. He was very loving and kind, but our time as a couple expired because we had learned the valuable lessons that we needed to further us along our individual journeys leading us to new lives. We are still good friends!! Other than him, I was typically latching onto what I called ‘the poor underdog man.’ My thought was never to change the man. I was under the assumption that if this beaten-down man had a loving, nurturing woman like me, he would be totally inspired to make changes in himself. HIS DESIRE WOULD AUTOMATICALLY BE…TO BE A BETTER MAN! Nope, that never happened! Subsequently, I usually ended up being abused in some form. There was a time when I had resolved to the fact that being in abusive, dysfunctional relationships was just my lot in life so I must play the hand that I was dealt. One day a bright thought and realization came to me, I could no longer continue to lay my beautiful pearls before those nasty swine that meant me no good. My mantra became, “I will not potty train another man.” I had a friend to ask, “Who commissioned you to pull men out of the gutter and try to clean them up!!” And another one said I was like Florence Nightingale with my nurse bag in hand. But the difference was that I was bandaging up all the poor, sick, wounded men…until I had no bandages left!! With this, I learned to stop being an enabler of the male species.
My primary interest since I was a child has always been a boy. (Chuckling) At three years old my first little boyfriend was Peetie. I remember being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up…my answer, “a wife and mommy.” When asked what my hobby was, my answer has always been, “my man!” For me, everything centered around a man because I love ‘LOVE’ and wanted so desperately to share it. It is sad to say, but I never thought too much about receiving it for myself because I was so much into pampering and loving on him. I wasn't receiving what I was giving. There was no reciprocity. My incomplete self was accepting incomplete men that had no clue how to give me what I was giving them.
I remember about six years ago I shouted out to God in a loud voice exclaiming, “I see myself the way you see me.” This was the beginning of the major transformations that facilitated in my quest to LOVE myself and put myself FIRST. This was a pivotal point in my life. We must decide to make changes in our lives for life’s sake. First of all, I learned who I was and how to love myself unconditionally. I also learned to forgive myself and to forgive others. I even called ex-husbands and offered them my forgiveness. Inner work was going on which made me cognizant of things that warranted change for my movement forward. So many lessons I was learning. As I got stronger by releasing all those limiting thoughts, people, ideas, and ideals, my life began to shift. I saw myself as God saw me! I saw myself worthy of far more than I had allowed. Today my value of myself is high! LOVING, Nurturing and pampering ME has become MY priority. I LOVE ALL OF ME!!
At 67 years young, I have learned and am still learning balance. Yes, I am very loving and nurturing…all that I thought a man should ever want. But I have a NEW realization!! I know all of this goodness is to be reserved for the RIGHT man…the one that deserves me and has come to know and LOVE himself so much that he will know how to LOVE me. Before now, I did not understand that I was born with a special gift of loving. It often seemed like a curse. But it wasn’t a curse. I was just giving my special gifts of LOVE to the wrong men. In my heart I’ve always believed that I was created purposely as a GIFT to the right man. God has groomed, watched over and prepared me all these years for my true mate. This man will be one that has also done tremendous work on self and has been searching for a woman just like me!! He will be the one getting all the LOVE, nurturing and pampering that I have longed to share all of my life.
Now that I LOVE MYSELF, I’m ready for a deep Divine LOVE, a Divine Partner. I’m ready and healed now to give and receive LOVE and to be about my purpose and mission on earth. Make the decision and decide to take charge of your life. You can’t truly LOVE someone else until you can truly LOVE yourself. The light of day comes when you see the light in you. You owe it to yourself to LOVE yourself. Come on say it with me, “I am My VALENTINE. I LOVE ME.”